generational trauma, generational wisdom
I received a lovely email from Đoan Hoàng, writer, director, and producer of Oh, Saigon: A War In The Family, in response to A Very Special Episode of the Dear Adult Daughter podcast.
She said that my work had been helpful to her in detaching from her family with love, which, she wrote, “I have struggled with even after 13 years in codependency recovery and making artistic work about my family. I felt like I was given permission to not accept abuse when I read your books. I now feel a sense of forgiveness/acceptance and I have a better relationship with my mother, (and all of my family) as I have been now able to remove resentments in advance by using kind verbal honesty, and tending to my boundaries. My husband is noticing how much less triggered and more at peace I am.”
Curious about her work, I watched both her documentary, Oh, Saigon, and an interview (I highly recommend it) she did with Kenneth Nguyen, host of The Vietnamese podcast. Both are compelling and helpful in explaining what generational trauma is, and showing us what it is and what it looks like in families, as well as what it looks like to transform trauma into wisdom.
Oh, Saigon: A War in the Family is a documentary about her family’s dramatic escape via the last helicopter taking out civilians in the last moments of the Vietnam War, and returning to later discover that her family had fought against each other.
About her film Đoan wrote, “What I tried to convey in my work is how trauma/war/rape, etc. influences familial relationships. Oh, Saigon, highlights my family’s trauma-influenced dynamics, with all of us acting out when forced to reckon with the horrible experiences of our past: my difficult mother, with her her deflection and victimhood, my half-sister, literally a lost child my parents left in Vietnam who seeks validation from someone who will never give it, and me, the codependent then, trying to fix it all. I hope seeing my mom with us will resonate for your readers!”